More photos

Here i had an idea based on one of the pieces of 'diary' entrys i recieved from one of my friends. the piece in question: 

'its like the person that everyone else  can see isn't me. They look upon me and see someone confident, mature. They have no idea that inside im a wreck. The only time you see the real me is when i have an episode (a breakdown) and then only i am there.'

It inspired me to do a sequence of selfportraits based on the idea that there are almost 3 steps to this process. The beguining, the confident person. Stage two the breakdown and stage three is the person that not everyone gets to see the wreck of a person. the part that everyone has deep inside that doesnt really want to show. I shot the images in black and white and used a flash gun off camera slightly to one side, i used a tripod and shutter release. I really like this set of photographs and how you can see similaritys and differences between the first and last photos and its obviously you can see the different emoitions, from the confident to the sadness and simplicity of the pose of the last image. i think the photos suit being b/w and i could work on extending this idea again. 

More photos

Here i took the idea of scarring and desided to play abit with it. Though tbh i dont have alot of scars myself that are clearly visible it is the beguinning of somthing that i can develop on and try and organise taking photos of people with scars. I also thought it would be interesting to add an element of text to this also, i was reminded of one of the entrys from the books to which one of the women with the eating disorder tells that she remembers moments not by the memory but by how much she weighed at the time. so i thought of trying to encorperate the idea of adding an almost like 'time stamp' to the scars. i edited the images to include this time stamp and here is what i came up with:

Even here we can see an almost like narrative coming out. i do like this idea and i also like the idea of the 'time stamp' however i am not sure about the font i used but this could be worked on and improved.

More photo experimentation

I wanted to see if i could some how encorperate text into my work. I decided to try an encorperate it onto body parts rather then trying to layer it over an image so the text then actually becomes part of the photograph. I decided to use descritption and write it on, before taking the photos. I also upped the exposure to the photos to create a more grunge style effect to the photos and here are some of the results: 
  

i really like these photos an the mixture of text and skin, as well the photos almost seem to tell a story in some sence. this could be something i develope upon. to set apart stages of a breakdown and use this idea of text and skin to tell the steps of the break down. i also really like the idea of the use of high contrast and the look it gives the photos, almost as if it was shot on a toy camera that sorta effect. 
However in comparison to the heartfelt text images by adam knott these are nothing. Maybe instead of writing on the body for the photos maybe trying to write ontop of the images afterwards. i would have to focus on the sculpting of the text but its worth an experiment.

The Golden Age of Grotesque

I have reserched into the manson album artwork that reminded me of the style i was achieving in my last post. Here are examples of the album art:

As we can see it is a similar technique as the subject is blured but not to the point of unrecognisable proportions. I found out the photographer and concept designer for this album was Gottfried Helnwein, an austrain born photographer, artist and performance artist. He has a wide collection of work, most stand out for me is his work entitled Head of a child, where he focuses on the innocence of a child but not in the happy happy way we are used to, instead he focuses on the wounded, the scared and the frightened child. He focuses on the phsycial and emotional scarring. Some of his photos are truely horrific and it is obvious that his focus is on fear and the emotional and psycical embodyment of what it is that is terrifying. after all who else could turn Manson into a horrific mickey mouse? here are a few more of his work on the more fearful and terrorfying side to his work, he seems to have tendencys to hyper realism and has a fasination with nazis (in his most contriversial work) :

  a piece of text from a documentory about His work stated this which i found is a great discription of his work and also shows how it links to mine: 'He confronts us with the dark sides of human nature. Silently but mercilessly he uses the fate of the innocent child to bring before our eyes the human capacity for suffering, making the beholder a passive, and indeed active, accomplice to injury and abuse.' From "HELNWEIN - THE SILENCE OF INNOCENCE"

Photo expermentation

I wanted to play on the idea of the emotions being mixed up and the feeling of the need to self harm hitting like a tornado. I decided i wanted to try and create images that may appear a little abstract, portraits that use movement to blur and mix the images. I decided to experment like this. I ended up with some weird but some good images. I made sure when shooting i had a slower shutter speed then needed to try and give some movement back to the images rather then freezing them. However the lighting is rather orange so i colour corrected slightly, one didnt turn out so orange because i tried to compensate for it by bouncing more natural light in. here are a few examples:

However the lighting still appeared very offputting to me so i decided to try the photos in black and white, i changed them over and upped the contrast slightly because they are a little under exposed and pale and i am rather more pleased with the results i got from changing them to black and white, it seems to add to the expression of the imagery.

these photos remind me of an album cover that i remember uses the same form of style this blurred by motion style effect. The album Im thinkin of is a Marilyn Manson album entitled

The Golden Age of Grotesque

which i feel i should look into more, try and find out who was the photographer behind it.

Susan Cunningham- photographing scars

From one of the diary texts i decided to look into to documenting scars. It was mentioned that they remain a reminder of what they have been through and what has been done. When serching i found that ALOT of links came back with forensic style photography and talking about police forensics, however i would much rather look into the art side of it, i discovered the work of susan cunningham.

http://www.inliquid.com/artist/cunningham_susan/cunningham.php

Her photos are black and white shot using anantique 4 x 5 camera and used Polaroid negatives to carry on with the theme of it being unperfect. She entitled the study revisions and just asked around for people who wanted there scars photographed. she states that it was easier thenshe thoght , people wanted to share there scars and there stories behind them.  she states 'Revisions:  Our scars are the proof that we are human and like it or not we always have to adapt and revise ourselves.' Here are a few examples of her work:

While she does focus on scars, i dont really like these photos overly. I think in black and white they should be more contrasted and also i think that they should be closer of the scars rather then such zoomed out, it makes it harder to distinquish the scars.  I do like the way that the titles for these images are how the scars occured. which makes these image seem to have more of a story behind of just documenting them.

Text, Depression and photographs reserch

After reading some of the 'diary' entrys i got sent. It made me want to see how other people used text in images on depression and it got me thinking how i could do the same. I looked around on amature photography websites as well as in magazines and in books, and more professional websites. I find it difficult to Find photographers and video makers to reserch, or just initially where to start off on the first step.

One of the first photos that caught my eye was one by an amature photographer under the name of 'active8' on redbubble.

http://www.redbubble.com/people/active8/art/2547428-2-why

the piece is entitled WHY... and while its more of a graphic piece rather then a photography piece but i love the use of text in this image. sadly its only a single image rather then a collection.

The photo is based around a poem and while it simple and quiet clean, it is a rather good use of text using the blank walls as canvuses to manipulate text onto as well as messing around with the texts perspective to get it to fit in with the shapes of the walls and floor.

While serching on Jpgmagazine under there online photo stories i found an interesting photo story collection by Adam Knott he called it 'Grief girl: a writers journey' And follows him as he photographed his wife as relived the terrorfiing tragity of loosing her parents at 14. Reliving this for a book it in turn sent his wife into a deep state of mental depression to which soon become the focus of his photographs. He then desided to add the extracts of his diary at the time about his worry and concerns about his wife. These images not only relate to the theme of my work but also to the idea of using text. They are all black and white photos, and all portraits of his wife doing the everyday things while sufforing. You can feel the pain of the wife while reading the pain of the husband and it also looks into the effect that depression has on the people around sufforers. i love the creative use of the text. He uses his handwriting but its in specifically placed areas, or around the body, nd even sometimes on the body. I really like the photo where hes actaully wrote on his wifes face (after the photo of course.) this is something i think i could look into, this creative use of text. The texts just adds to the high emotional elements to the photographs. 

Over the last few weeks - text reserch

over the last few weeks i have asked people i know who have or are suffering from depression, self harming issues or self destruction to write me a short almost diary like piece of text that i can look at and pull inspiration from, here are just a few snippets of what i got. Obviously they are going to remain annonamus

'Its like i am alone, no one understands me. Its like the warning signs are there that i am in trouble but they choose to ignor it. I go through it alone because  i know i would be judged for who i am. This is who i am. Or at least i think it is.'

'When i hit a low point i can feel the urges start. its like theres a little voice in my head telling me im worthless and that  i need to do this, its the only way to feel better. Its the only way to feel anything. I am numb. All emotions are frozen out and im in the dark.The only light to lead me out comes from the glint of a blade. When the blood pours out its just like someone opens the door and the emotions flood back in, i can feel again.'

'The scars work as a reminder of where i have been, what i have gone through but also a reminder that it still has control over me. Its like its wrote upon my skin "i have a problem" and i dont want other people to know that. I hide my scars, i do it places that people wont see, so i dont have to feel that shame that comes with someone knowing what you do and that its the only way that you can cope'

'Its like the person that everyone else  can see isn't me. They look upon me and see someone confident, mature. They have no idea that inside im a wreck. The only time you see the real me is when i have an episode (a breakdown) and then only i am there. Alone, silenced to speak of my pain. Its an overwhelming feeling that leads to having to reach for the many selections of instraments i use to control myself with.'

Nobuyoshi Araki

Nobuyoshi Araki known sometimes as simply 'Araki' is a japanise photographer and video maker. his work often controversal and often very pornographic. However the images ive been looking at is his photos of bondage. He uses ropes to tie up women and position. It shows how powerless they are and degrades them, It may not make sence why i would look at his work, but it is to go along with the feeling that self harm is about control and that it is the thing controling you. Like in the photos, there are ropes binding the subjects, they are almost like puppets and are helpless.

Jpg- agnese sironi

Agnese sironi is a amature photographer from italy. While browsing on JPG i came across a series of three images entitled CUTTING. These relate obviously to self harm. they are really powerful images and she has used a projector to project slits an cuts onto the body of a model. these photos are really gritty, and dark. the main light source is the projector and is shot on a Analogic 1600 asa cameraa which adds to the grittyness of the images. The projections look very realistic and gorey to some extent:

 

Photography- sebastian sabal-bruce

sebastian sabal-bruce is a photographer who isnt really all that well known, however his work is stunning. He focuses on portraits but he states 'i am a "mind translator".For me the camera is a machine that converts the inner world into image format. Im always trying to materialize sensations, thoughts or dreams into scenes.' which made me think back to how surrealism is often dream like. But really what caught my eye is that some of his portraits seem to show women in a 'state' almost as if something terrible has happen. His work is very cinematic and to some extent reminds me of the work of gregory crewdson, however the use of lighting is more naturalistic even though it manages to appear cinematic. One in particular really caught my eye(the first image) and a few other examples of his work: 

 

 

 

Vilem Reichmann - surrealist photography

Czech Photography Vilem Reichmann was a black and white still photographer. His photos he are most famous for are still lifes based around Brno. His work is seen as surrealist documentry. Snapping photos of generally naturally occuring surrealism. what  like most is the feel of the photographs in general, they seem to be very eerie and with this feeling of almost unease about them, they are also highly contrasted for photographs, some would seem overexposed. Here are a few examples of his work:

Photos- Nan goldin

I wanted to try out the nan goldin approach to her self portraits using mirrors and reflections. I unfortunatly dont have means of creating contact sheets as i dont have the software on the laptop i am using so i will show the best images and upload them when i get the chance. I created these images using controled lighting (with aid of a lamp) and using a tripod and wireless shutter  release i managed to take a few images.
The first image is alright. I dont really like the effect the flash had on the photo. While the reflection is clear, the bringht spot on the mirror rim, and the hair to the left of the image puts a downer on this image for me.

This image, compaired to the first i used a spot lamp off to the left and avoided using flash. this i feel is more like her work and style compaired to the original.


However then i decided to play around with the focus point and depth of feild as well as using nataural lighting rather then artifical lighting. This is prob my favourite from exeperimenting on the Nan Goldin self portrait style. It just seems to fit right and alsmost has an unease with it that i cant seem to understand.

Sewn up mouth - film

I also worked out a way using a leather thong style of thread (its more solid and will hold place) and theatrical glue i can create the effect that my lips have been sewn together. I experimented with this, mixed it with the eye footage and shot some footage and edited it together to create this effect:

I used a different camera for alot of these shots which needed a file conversion, which caused the lines on the tape (which i am not happy about!) some of the shots are better then others. i love the sewn lips effect, however the diary shot i am not to happy about, and maybe quicken some of the cuts. but it gives you the kind of effect that i am looking for.

beating heart? -film

the idea of a beating heart at the end of the film would finish it off very well. almost to say, once the numbness has gone (the ice heart) the person starts to feel again (the beating heart.) My friend who suggested it to me is an electronics student and said by attaching a muscle toner like this:

it would contract the heart muscles and it would appear to be beating. However the wires would be in full view of the camera which im not sure if i would like.As well i have searched around and its really difficult and expencive to get ahold of these muscle toners needed. Maybe there is away of using final cut or after effects to create a beating effect. I also saw a piece of work by a past students on one of the open days (i am a tour guide), i dont know who it was by however it used an editing technique in which they encorperated sound and a very quick edit between extreame close up and a medium shot, and it just had this feel of a heart beat, which i could experiment with if i cant find an effect that works on an editing software.

Frozen Heart - Film

I managed to get ahold of lambs hearts so i am able to do this idea, however i will want to experiment to makesure i get it right. I got software that allows me to plug my camera into my laptop and shoot using controls on my camera, this program also uses my d40 to take time lapse photos at regular intervals.

The big freeze!

First i wanted to see how the professionals do it:

Quite different from what thought i found that , after organs are removed from a donor, they are packed in a special solution and kept on ice. But they can't be frozen because of the damage that ice crystals would do to the cells. Without freezing, the shelf life of these organs can be  as little as four hours for a heart. Parts of the heart such as valves have been said to be frozen in liquid nitrogen.

This is only of organ donation. but the fact that butchers freeze the organs the same way they do the flesh, it really doesnt help my research.

To start off though i decided to Freeze a set of keys to see how they would freeze. This worked kinda well. The ice block came out well, i filled a tupper wear box half way and then froze that, to allow the keys to be central in the iceblock, however the thickness and the unpurity of the water caused it to be cloudy which isnt the effect that i wanted.
I desided to try it again and this time i reserched online to which i found a text on achieveing clear icecubes, which said the water should be boiled, left to cool, reboiled, cooled, reboiled and filtered to get the most clarity in the ice. Which i tried. This did help the clarity of the water. So i decided to set up a mini 'studio.'
I did experiment with the lighting for the ice, however i lost the photos on my old laptop that was stolen. However i did decide to backlight the ice.
So using a chair and a lamp, i created a backlit scene with a white sheet, and set up the camera and the laptop. I set it up to take photos at 5min intervals. 
i did encounter a few problems when shooting them, first of, i set it to autofocus before shooting but as the ice begun to melt the area it was focusing on melted so it couldnt autofocus properly, so for the main one i shall focus it and then let it melt with out the focus changing.
the other problem was that the battery run out half way through, so next time i will actually sit with it, and replace the battery with my spare when it runs out so that it will continue to shoot.  Practice shots before the battery run out: Just a few 

 Also my friend said to me that using a muscle toner it would be maybe possible to make the heart appear to beat again? maybe i could look into this.