Over the last few weeks - text reserch

over the last few weeks i have asked people i know who have or are suffering from depression, self harming issues or self destruction to write me a short almost diary like piece of text that i can look at and pull inspiration from, here are just a few snippets of what i got. Obviously they are going to remain annonamus

'Its like i am alone, no one understands me. Its like the warning signs are there that i am in trouble but they choose to ignor it. I go through it alone because  i know i would be judged for who i am. This is who i am. Or at least i think it is.'

'When i hit a low point i can feel the urges start. its like theres a little voice in my head telling me im worthless and that  i need to do this, its the only way to feel better. Its the only way to feel anything. I am numb. All emotions are frozen out and im in the dark.The only light to lead me out comes from the glint of a blade. When the blood pours out its just like someone opens the door and the emotions flood back in, i can feel again.'

'The scars work as a reminder of where i have been, what i have gone through but also a reminder that it still has control over me. Its like its wrote upon my skin "i have a problem" and i dont want other people to know that. I hide my scars, i do it places that people wont see, so i dont have to feel that shame that comes with someone knowing what you do and that its the only way that you can cope'

'Its like the person that everyone else  can see isn't me. They look upon me and see someone confident, mature. They have no idea that inside im a wreck. The only time you see the real me is when i have an episode (a breakdown) and then only i am there. Alone, silenced to speak of my pain. Its an overwhelming feeling that leads to having to reach for the many selections of instraments i use to control myself with.'